Most comfortable seat in the house. The wheels are stuck enough so I don’t roll down the hallways as the train accelerates or brakes abruptly.

I bought the chair 3 years ago when I first arrived. I gave it away to a friend 6 months later, the first time I tried to leave town. Yesterday night over dinner, drinking games and talk of goodbyes I gazed upon my chair again and thought it fit returning to me. My friend has no use for it anymore. She is too attempting to escape the Porteño gravitational pull.

The train pulled in at the train station after Belgrano Barracas and I lifted the chair over my head and walked down Libertador.

Pedestrians watched an upside down chair with human legs hybrid being.

Good working chair, feels like I sit on a cloud and the cloud is inside a cave, a cave where I type and type.

200 years ago, the people of the ‘Virreinato de La Nueva Granada’ rebelled against the Spanish king and set in motion the events that after a long process stretching over 100 years of failures, secession and disputes, would produce the terrible tragedy that later would be known as the Republic of Colombia and it’s comparably miserable sibling nations : The Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela, the Republic of Ecuador, the Republic of Panamá and Simon Bolivar’s favorite : the republic of Bolivia.

It would be 9 years later after the “Cry of Independence” of 1810 that the definitive battle, the “Battle of Boyaca”, where the Spanish were defeated took place. This battle is known in Colombia as the “Battle of Independence” and it’s celebrated the 7th of August as the “National Party” and it’s also the date on which every 4 years the ceremony in which the president takes possession is held.

It was a time in history when the South American colonies fought to be free from the control of Europeans. The Spanish were our adversaries, we fought our hardest to leave their control, they fought their best to keep us under their flag.

200 years later the roles have reversed.

Today we Colombians, in far greater numbers than those who fought to be independent, fight to be again dependent of the developed world and the European countries and be covered under their flag.

In contrast to out forefathers, we fight our personal Battles of Dependence. And we fight alone. It’s you against the world. We fight to leave, and for our right to stay alive. We are rats that escape the sinking ship. We are the horsemen of the apocalypse. Every man for himself.

Our adversaries are the same countries that 200 years ago fought to keep us, except that now they want to keep us. Out.

They fight us with road blocks and divisory walls between country borders, visa requirements, changing definitions of what a valid reason to stay is, and fees and waiting periods and separation from our families and apostilles and official translations and bank records, criminal records and actualized notarized copies of our birth certificates. Language exams, integration tests, blood tests and personal interviews.

We stand in line, we hold on the phone, we take verbal abuse but stay polite and positive, we take our picture and go where it’s required and stay there as long as needed to fetch what we are asked. Photocopies and certificates, stamps and seals and fingerprinting are second nature. Despite their best efforts, our numbers grow larger and we overwhelm them. We fly couch, we are there, and if you lift a rock n your city, out Colombians will pour and run away like cockroaches exposed to light.

The official numbers from 2005 (the last official census) very optimistically say that 10% of Colombians left the country, almost 3 and half million. A more recent study says the number is 6 million and closer to 15% percent of the total population. The NGOs say the number is actually 8 million.

In contrast, census from 1835 record the total Colombian population to number barely 1 million and 700 thousand.

The Colombians who fought to be independent are outnumbered by us who fight to be dependent and their will and resolution is our curse and our cross to burden. Their actions are our original sin.

A eso del 2003, tocaba yo en un par de bandas de skate punk (neo punk) en Bogotá. Una se llamaba Los Jackson (ya extinta) y la otra Independiente 81 (quienes todavia continuan). En ese año, ambas bandas nos juntamos, “hicimos vaca”, que para los que no son fluidos en español Colombiano significa que cada miembro de las bandas hizo un aporte monetario y juntando entre todos logramos pagar por el costo final, en este caso, el costo de grabar nuestro propio disco. Esta modalidad en el mundo músical se llama un “split”.

Nos fuimos un fin de semana largo a la ciudad de Bucaramanga, donde existía un estudio de grabación recomendado a nosotros por los miembros de otra banda de skate punk, que se llamaba (o se llama?) Alto Asalto y grabamos el susodicho split, mientras disfrutabamos un escape del horrendo clima de nuestra ciudad de residencia de ese entonces (Bogotá, capital del odio) y consumiamos los exquisitos manjares locales como por ejemplo la hamburguesa con huevos de codorniz y las arepas de maíz.

Al final de la aventura teniamos pues grabado un disco de 5 canciones para cada banda para un total de 10. Yo mismo cree el arte de la caja, que era de cartón, de estilo “bolsillo” y tambien el librillo adjunto. El disco se llamó “Contiene Dinamita”, sugerencia de los chicos de Independiente 81, si no recuerdo mal.

Una disquera de las muchas que hubieron y hay por ahi afiliadas al “rock” criollo (Colombiano), llamada “Eje records” se dio a la tarea de tomar el split y ayudar con la producción, aunque a la fecha no me acuerdo cual fue la ayuda exactamente. Se que pusierón el disco en uno de los mostradores de “Antifona” (una tienda de discos muy popular del momento) y eso era super wow pero no me acuerdo si ellos pagaron por algo del prensaje del disco. Nosotros estabamos felices eso si, porque Eje Records habia sacado discos de una banda muy vieja que admiramos mucho que se llamaba Danny Dodge.

Los años pasaron. Yo tuve que abandonar ambas bandas al ganar mi beca con Fabrica. Los Jackson, ya heridos de muerte por la perdida de nuestro guitarrista Plinio y una cierta inconsistencia de nuestro vocalista Juaned, finalmente quedaron desbandados. Independiente 81 consiguió otro bajista, Mario que regresaba a la banda, (y quien luego abandonaria nuevamente para ir a ser el vocalista de un desastre de marketing llamado: Uno Mas) y siguieron con lo suyo incorporando tambien a nuestro baterista Carlos a su alineación. Por mi parte, desde que vendi mi bajo para ayudar a financiar mi viaje a Italia, no volví a tocar un instrumento.

Saltamos al 2010 y por ahi me dio por googlear “Contiene Dinamita” porque ya de andar por años por ahi perdi mi copia y buscaba piratear mi propio CD. Finalmente lo encontre por ahi para bajar gratis y tambien lo encontre disque para vender por canción en lastFM y tambien en la página de la ya nombrada disquera Eje. Que cosa tan absurda.

Encontre tambien un review, escrito por un señor Owai y en el momento pensé que era un “chino”, que es como le decimos en Bogotá a los jóvenes pre-adolescentes. Pensé eso porque : y a quien diablos más se le ocurriría hacer un review de semejantes bandas?

El review es fulminante y preciso. Por mucho que duela admitirlo, al tocar skate punk, jugabamos en un esquema que ya estaba predefinido y en el caso de Los Jackson y a pesar de nuestros mejores intentos no teniamos la inteligencia músical suficiente para salirnos del modelo. El review, esta aqui.

Pero a pesar de lo fastidioso del tono de muchos de las canciones del disco, me gusta saber que de las 2 bandas aunque sea una “salio adelante”, que fue I81, con un estilo mas propio y mas definido que se refino en los discos posteriores. Digo que salieron adelante, no como exito comercial, ni insinuo que tuvieran una gran fanaticada, porque eso seria decirnos mentiras. Me refiero a un progreso personal de los artistas integrantes. “Los mariquitas del neo” se volvieron mas y mas “mariquitas”, mas poperos: tanto que en mi opinión se salieron del neo … menos mal … me recuerdan mas a lo que entiendo se llama “post-punk”. Y que bien que les queda ser honestos consigo mismos, eso es algo caracteristico de los 2 integrantes principales que son y siempre serán Lucas y Daniel que son unos aristas,unos maestros, unos performers innatos, cosa que se continua observando con los proyectos musicales y literarios de cada uno, juntos y por aparte.(vease por ejemplo: Lucas Armando, Danilo el Romantico, Los Famosos, Los Danis, El Embustero)

Los Jackson no contaron con tanta suerte. Unos casados, otros que no tocan mas como yo, otros completamente transformados en papás y señores “de bien” como el resto de los de su generación que no tocaron neo. Los unicos que siguieron tocando fueron Manuel y Carlos, hasta donde yo se. Carlos se fue para I81 y Manuel, supe después, toco hasta con otra de estas fastidiosas fabricaciones : Naty Botero (sale en el video de “Dinosaurio” tocando guitarra y bailando con Naty) aunque luego fue despedido de la banda. Cosas del marketing.

De los Jackson puedo decir que aunque las canciones como tales no envejecieron bien, por ponerlo de manera elegante (porque la mayoría suenan bastante mal), todavia gusto mucho de ciertas partesitas aqui y alla. Por ejemplo, en esta grabación no quisimos doblar las guitarras para los solos, o mejor dicho, si las doblamos pero no se metio la segunda guitarra ritmica en el fondo, ya que no teniamos desde que perdimos a Plinio (Y como nos desconcerto y dolio esta perdida). Ahi algo en esa cosa que suena “aspera” que hicimos diferente : Otra “bandita de neo” de epoca trataría de meterle 5 guitarras ritmicas de fondo con tal de mantener la harmonia y el decoro. Creo que Manuel se desempeña muy bien en todos los solos que le corresponden. Siempre fue un astro de la guitarra, no solo en lo técnico sino en el “feeling” (llamemole asi), algo que los demas otros “virtuosos del neo” guitarristas de otras bandas nunca tuvieron.

Otra cosa que me gusta todavia, es ese humor que aunque no tiene nada que ver con las desavenencias sociales del punk original y que es totalmente auto-referencial (como “soy un imbecil”, “pense que estar en una banda me traería nenas” y “Paul Pfeiffer Es Marilyn Manson”) y fue una especia de presagio de lo que se seguiria en las vidas personales de los integrantes y de esta forma tambien de toda esta movida de “chinos neos” y de la selección Colombia y porque no : del “país” en general. Hacía un chiste de nosotros mismos, de nuestra pauperrima banda, de nuestro patetico intento a la fama. En el disco como tal, y me refiero en la parte impresa, la ilustración (como me duele no tener estos archivos fuente) trata sobre el poco valor del trabajo realizado de los diseñadores gráficos, los músicos (“Mi dios le pague”), el afan de hacerse “famoso”, la final falta de proposito de nuestra música y temas de retro-inspección que yo no vi en otras bandas de neo.

He escuchado decir que en Colombia nadie se rie más, que el humor ya no existe, que desde que mataron a Jaime Garzon está prohibido hacer la parodia, como que hay muchos temas sobre los cuales uno “no se debe burlar” so pena de violencia fisica o muerte, como si en Colombia fueramos Musulmanes defendiendo a Mohamed de los chistes… por eso yo creo que el humor y en especial el humor negro de autocritica es justo y necesario ahora mas que nunca. Pero de pronto estoy cesgado, que se yo…

Lo que si veo una y otra vez es que con todo el amor que le tengo a Juaned, no se preparo bien cuando grabamos esto y en el resultado siempre se noto, siempre lo supimos. La voz de Los Jackson brillo por su mala calidad en esta grabación. No solo es la mala calidad que tienen todas las voces del neo, sino tambien el desafinado no intencional producto del afán. Hubo intentos de re-grabar estas voces, pero todos sumaron absolutamente nada, como es la costumbre local… Es que, ya para que?

De lo que mas me arrepiento es de no haber tenido una copia del master de la grabación instrumental. Cuando lo oigo, miro para atras y recuerdo como se sentia tener ese bajo que rentamos (no se que marca ya… era buenisimo y costaba miles y miles de dolares) que era una nave total y el sonido de los mesa boogies.

I have been picked for “random” checks at Italian airports and being taken to the “small room” to be searched. For no reason other than being the only non white on the plane (me and the poor african dude who also got “randomly” searched)

When i was in the airport in Germany, right off the airplane door, in the little tunnel that connects the plane to the airport, there was a big mean looking police officer waiting for me. He picked me from the crowd, asked for my documents, took out a magnifying glass and stared at them for some minutes. Ok, so that one was kind of funny.

There was even a time, when there was in Interpol arrest warrant for a guy with my same name. I would get stopped and my passport taken until they could rule me out.

It’s logical for me at this point to feel nervous at airports, embassies and consul offices.

I guess what hits me the hardest is not that every aspect of my life is questioned by every foreign nation i visit, but that in some cases i don’t get a fair chance to “defend” myself (what did i do wrong in the first place?). I don’t want a free ride, im not a freeloader and i certainly understand each country’s right to oversee who and why visit their territory.

I want to be treated the same as someone not born in Colombia, because I didn’t choose to be born were i was born. I had no control over that.

Judging someone based on their nationality is called racism, last time i checked. And no matter how many other Colombians are caught in the airport with coke, that shouldn’t be a reason to treat EVERY Colombian like this. because:

• I’m not those Colombians. It’s not me. Furthermore i had nothing to do with the fact that i was born in Colombia.
• It’s the same thing as any other racial minority getting singled out because of their race. With this, you are saying that all Colombians are the same, which is the same as saying all asians are the same, or all black people are the same.
• If the above are true, this is effectively, government sponsored racism, and people, regular people, agree with it.

In my life i have never been guilty of any crime. Im not a drug dealer or a needy poor inmigrant. I work for a Eropean company and make a good enough salary (even by European standars). I’m pretty much like any other western guy.

I’ll explain the reasons why i think Holland it’s not just unfair to someone in my position but it’s also very unethical with the migrant candidate (myself), the migrant’s spouse and their children, who in our case don’t exist, but would be 100% dutch citizens.

This is my situation : Im a Colombian and i have been married to a Dutch woman for a year now. We met in 2004 while i was in studying in Italy and have been together since. This is not a marriage by convenience and if asked to proove it , i gladly would. Seriously. Challenge my marriage. I will show you this is not that kind of thing.

I would like to go and join my family in Holland for some time. Is not clear to me at this point if i even want to become a Dutch citizen but i would like the right to come and go, visit my family and stay as normal resident for the time i do.

Under the Dutch law, first off, my marriage counts for nothing. As the spouse of a Dutch citizen, because i am from Colombia, i get absolutely no rights. Unlike most (about every other) country in the world, marriage does not help an immigrant (from the 3rd world that is….).

Most notably, i met a Colombian friend who married a Spanish and was granted a resident visa instantly. I heard her story with disbelief after a couple of frustrating experiences trying to get a TOURIST visa to go to Holland and visit my wife in Christmas. They were giving me a hard time even for that last year.

Moving on…

To be able to be a resident, my Dutch spouse has to live in Holland, have a one year contract signed making X amount of money and i have to learn to speak Dutch and pass an oral exam over the phone with consulate personnel.

This conditions mean to proove that i have valid reason to go there, that we have enough income to sustain ourselves and that i’ll at least integrate to the point of learning dutch.

This seems logical enough but in reality is extremely unethical and these are the reasons why:

The contract my spouse has to have means to proove means of income. But it assumes immediately that the immigrant is poor and has no money to sustain himself/herself. In my case, i have a good job and i make enough money to sustain myself and would be enough in Europe too. We have sufficient savings in the bank. But for the Dutch law, it doesn’t matter. My spouse is the one who has to have the job. It doesn’t matter what i do, or if i have a job or savings. It’s infuriating to be treated like i am an imported bride that goes to Holland to live off my Dutch spouse. Im self sufficient. But i get no chance to proove that. None whatsoever. I’m an immigrant from Colombia, therefore im poor and unable to sustain myself. Period.

So what does that mean for my spouse and I?

She has to interrupt her studies and go off to find a job, in economic recession times. This can take some time. Then after she finds the job, the procedure can start but the procedure itself takes months. Months in which we would have to be separated.

So… my wife has to drop her studies to get a job and we have to be separated. Despite us having a good living with my salary.

In my case this is an extreme annoyance and a total disrespect towards my nationality if we consider the easy treatment people from other countries get.

But let’s say my wife and I had children. The children would be Dutch citizens. Their mum would be forced to work and live on her own without a father despite the fact that the Colombian father makes more money than the Dutch mother.

Does this seem fair?

Furthermore, it seems the policy at the consulate, not surprisingly, is to try and discourage all the applicants. My wife tells me that the officials are very rude on the phone. Yes Dutch Consulate in Bogotá that means you.

One time they gave us very bad information saying our case was special enough to bypass some requirements. We submitted our request and were told it would take 3 months. Almost 3 months later, some lady called and said that the request had “just gotten to her desk” (3 months later) and that there was no way it would work.

I know Holland has had their problems with immigrants. I know all about Theo van Gogh and i know how unsafe it is to go on the metro train late at night in cities like Rotterdam. I know lots of second and third generation immigrants have not integrated into the Dutch society and can turn violent against the free society they see as sinful.

Still i don’t approve of discriminating minorities for the greater good, i mean, this is Holland we are talking about. Its supposed to be a progressive country.

And i don’t see how keeping me out of the Netherlands helps this situation. If anything they should encourage positive immigration. I don’t need a Dutch job, cause i already have a job from abroad. If anything im going to spend my money with them, pay taxes and sustain my Dutch wife while she does her studies. Im a total treat to national security.